CaPIEL_Deb8TEr

Looking back to the past……………………

It quite tough to remember exactly what had happened from the past…. but we’ll be the lucky one if we could remember even it was just a part of our memory…. looking back all this time… n the dream i’ve left behind… i was glad coz i was blessed to get ,to have all my friends in my mind… time n distance….such a terible….when this two things always seperate us… season might change… leaves might fall… sun might set… everything around us seems to be changed…subconsciously…. a person like me might not discover all these things in a same period of time… coz in my mind… i was thinking of the relation that i hope could remain permanantly… when everything could change easily.. i realise that the most valueable n priceless thing that would remain is a relation called friendship…huh…it sometimes makes me relief…n sometimes make me breathe easily…deep into my heart..from the deepest heart core… the ‘thing’ that could heal my soul always used to appear in my mind clearly… the ‘thing’ could be reminiscence….sure…it brings happiness…but happiness is not alone…coz it also brings sadness…both make us smile…make us laugh..yet, it still make us sad…cry…burst into tears…..but, it doesnt make any sense…as long as it heals my soul…

Here where im belong………………….

17 years being a human…….some said it was long enough…..some said it wasnt……being a person called ‘me’…..quite tough…coz the road that i must travel is so rough….but it sometime full of laugh…yet i have desrve to have such type of life…eheh… speechless….coz there’s no such word 2 describe life exactly n specifically….perhaps ’silent’ is the most effective way to describe all….but, it seems to make things even complicated when not all peoples understand ’silent’ clearly….so…what else could i say….coz remain speechless seems to be the answer…hmmmmmm…..i wonder if i could turn the clock back to the past…5 minutes ago….or 10 minutes….5 hours…or maybe yesterday…if this could solve all the problem…huh..perhaps looking forward without turning back may help me….friendship will last forever..but does it true????..or it just kind of myth…

Looking forward…………………..

No one knows what colud happen soon….even we dont know what could happen every single second that might come…..tomorrow…the day after tomorrow….eheh…to think of the future is to think of the past….to think of the past is to change the future….to change the future is to remember the past….but what happen to the ‘present’……….everyone seems to keep thinking of da past n future without thinking where exactly they belong right now…..eheh..such a complicated puzzle to be solved….but this complicated puzzle always used to play in my mind……… for about 18 years…….. even untill i die… i really sure that the puzzle i try to solve will not be completed…..but what i have to is to continue thinking….work hard…and pray ….perhaps this could help even though i exactly know the ending…

huhhhhhhh…….being a human like ‘me’….is not as easy as everyone could think…every single step…every single word…every sinlge path..and even single road…..it is unpredictable….it is unexplainable….it is unsolveable….maybe the time has COME….and right now i belong….to live in this cruel world is my duty as human….sometimes i feel like i should give up…looking back to the past..present n future just screwed my mind…

i found myself today…i found and ran away….but something pulled me back…a ‘voice’ of reason i forgot i have…all i know that u not here to say….what u always used to SAY….coz it somehow written in the sky tonight…..i wont give up…n i wont break down…coz sooner then it seems life turns around…n i will be strong even if it all goes WRONG…when i standing in the dark i still believe..’SOMEONE’s watching over me……..

i see that ray of light and it shining on my destiny…shining all the time…and i wont be scared..to follow everywhere it’s taking me…all i know is yesterday is gone..and right now i belong…to dis moment to my dream…….it doesnt matter how long it takes..it doesnt matter how true u r…just be true n follow my heart…

COZ THE TIME HAS COME………….the time what would bring me to my destiny……………………………………..

Heh…..dok saje2 nih teringat lak mase time ak debate2 kat mrsm tepeng yg paling ak sayang…..hak3…i still remember the 1st day i stepped in mrsm tepeng….i never thought of being one of the member in debate team….no one encourage me to be involved seriously in debating….maybe my obsession drive me in…tp nak cite my experience ble dah join debate nih mmg sedey ngan meleteykan…sape yg x involve mmg x kan paham…even kwn 2 ak yg dok seblok dulu pon x rase pe yg ak rase…but…when i thought carefully about it…i realised that all of my experience had drove me even mature….still no one understand….my experience with Cikgu Dolah…Ella….Paan….senoir debate ak cam syamil ngan lukman yg ak n yampah….junior debate ak yg ramai pali….aqmin…megat…baim…ilya…ntah sape lagi ntah ak pon dah lpe…ramai sgt….mmg x dpt ak lupekan seumo idup ak…nak diceritekan…mase mule2 ak join debate mase form 4…ak mmg x active …asek2 kene down je ngan syamil n lukman…time tu lak ella asek gado je ngan ak..ak pon x tau nape…sume x ske ak mase tuh…ak just baek ngan paan je mase tuh…najwa ngan affira pon x baek sgt…ermmm…dah naseb ak mmg slalu camtu…maybe sbb tu ak x dpt wakil mktb mase mggu bahase zon utara time tuh…sedey la x dpt g…tp nak wat camne….even UIA Debating Championship 2005 pon ak x g…x dpt nak menimbe ilmu…betape sedey nye ak mase tu tuhan je yg tau….kdg2 ak nangis ble pk sowang2…isk3…hik3…sedey2 lak..jiwang dowh..tp betoi la…mase mggu bahase kebangsaan pon ak dpt g sbb dah ramai yg kuar…msg2 nak study….dorang x penah pk camne ak yg asek kene ikut dorang training…dah le x dpt wakil mktb….dorang senang2 je quit….maleh ak nak bgtau sape…saba je ak…ble ak pk balik sal ckg…ak malas la nak quit…sbb nnt dah x de sape…kalo x dah lame ak quit gak….so tggl la ak…ella…paan…

Bile form 4 dftr mase 2007…ramai gle yg join team bahas nih…terkejut ak…dorang best la…ak rase sonok ble dok ngan dorang…x sepressure mase ak ngan syamil n lukman…dorang senang gaul ngan leh trime prangai ak yg plik nih…hak3…ak ingat lagi mase mggu bahase zon utare dah dekat…sebuk gle…tp semangat team kitorang mmg best…ak x leh lupe le mase kitorang same2 carik info…selak buku yg ntah bape byk…leteynye x yah cakap..sape x involve mmg x kan tau…kene maki ngan ckg tu dah kire bese la….yg paling byk kene sound ak la mase tuh…ak x tau nape…tp ak phm sbb nye nape…lepas bersungguh-sungguh nak bejuang kat medan peperangan…minggu bahase zon utare mase tuh kat maktab ak lak…

Ak just berdoa supaye menang ngan penat lelah team kitorang…pas kalahkan mrsm langkawi…kitorang kalahkan mrsm balik pulau…mase time tu bangge la gak sbb ak dpt best speaker tuk due2 match…femes ak mase mggu bahase tuh..tp pe kan daye…keseronokan tu just sementare….mase final kalah ngan mrsm pdrm….mase diumumkan mktb ak sbg naeb jore…ak rase cam nak pengsan je…padahal clear2 team ak leh menang…sedey tu x yah nak gmbrkan..dah le lwn kat pentas depan sume kawan2…mase tu ak harap Tuhan je dpt calm down kan emosi ak…ella dah nangis dah…ak x tau la ckg camne….dlm ati ak pon sbnrnye ak tgh nangis…tak leh nangis tol2..kene kontrol gak….ak down gle mase tuh…walopon maktab ak dapat juare keseluruhan…tp x lengkap la bahas x menang..sbb selame 5 thn berturut-turut mktb ak menang..tetibe time ak lak kalah..ak x tau nak ckp pe mase tuh…really speechless…kwn2 ak x kan paham betape harapan kitorang mmg dah remok gle….kitorang berlatey cam nak rak….at last kalah gak..tp ak saba je…sume ni ujian Allah….pas je mggu bahase tu ak trus balik blok tido utk tenangkan pikiran ak…bgn dah lewat..ramai yg dah g surau…ak sowang je kat wing ak…ak gi tnds pon cam pening2…ntah le..tb2 leh lak ak terjatuh dlm tandas…rase nak pengsan…tu la betape down nye ak mase tuh..naseb baek ade kwn ak yg ak pon x pasan sape …tolong angkat…..kepale ak mmg terantok kat lantai..naseb x darah..lutut mmg dah lebam ngan darah sket2…kene bucu…sedey gle ak mase tuh…jatuh ditimpe tangge…

selang bape2 ari..kitorang kene kuatkan semangat balik sbb nak gi lawan debate kat UIA plak…dlm mase sbln tuh mmg ak x leh relax…tiap2 mlm balik kol 3 4 pagi…keje keras tuk tebus kalah…

Pengalaman ak mase kat UIA lebey sedih……tp sorang pon x kan paham….sbb ak x cite sgt pe yg belaku mase kat sane…kat uia mmg pressure…dah le dpt usul 30 minit sblm lwn..mmg tough match die…kene strong gle…1st match lawan ngan sek men sains mane ntah..menang ngan margin yg hampir perfect …11 drpd 12…trus meletakkan team mktb ak ranking 2nd pas MCKK yg just margin die 11.5 …….second round lawan ngan MRSM Kuale Lipis….menang gak ngan margin 8.5 kalo x silap…skali lagi meletakkan team mktb ak ranking second pas MCKK…mase tuh bangge siot…tp match malam tuh merubah segale….lawan ngan SBPI Gombak x semudah yg ak sangke….diorang x de la power sgt sbnrnye…tp sume strong…kalah ngan margin yg tipis 4.something….ckg dah start marah2 time tuh..mmg ak yg kene trok…dah leader time tuh…ak rase kan ak yg paling penat dlm team sbb ak sowang je yg permanent dlm  team…yg laen tukar…selaku 2nd speaker yg bertanggungjawab ak tepakse letey2 mlm2 bace buku tuk carik info…dak form 4 yg ikut tuh tido je tau…dorang sepatutnye bersyukur dapat g uia nih…x mcm ak yg x dpt experience tuh…mmg letey…esoknye lawan sek. men. sains johor..ni la perlawanan ak yg plg bengang skali..tb2 leh kalah..padahal dorang x strong lgsg…judge lak saje je nak kondem mrsm…abis kalah ngan margin yg agak beso..8.something…drpd no.2 trus jatoh no 20+….time tuh mmg ak gak yg kene truk…dah 2 kali kalah….tp tuk meneruskan perjuangan kene korban….pastu lawan ngan Maktab Mahmud…menang la ngan dorang….pastu pusingan keenam lawan ngan SMAP Kajang kalo x silap…dorang ni johan Bahas Piala Perdana Menteri wo…tp x cuak pon…kitorang menang je ngan dorang…best speaker dpt kat ak..ella..ngan aqmin…juri pon x tau nak pilih sape sbb ade 3 juri…msg2 piliuh laen2…hehehehe…dpt mara gi pusingan double octo dah kire syukur…dtmbh lak ngan kejayaan team debate bi mktb yg jugak berjaye ke pusingan double octo mmg gumbire ak…mlm tu jugak kene lawan ngan Mozac….mlm tu mmg all out la…menang 5-0 ngan dorang..n ak la best speaker time tuh..pweittt….tp malangnye sbb sok kene lawan MCKK….mase kitorang debate mlm tuh dorang dtg nak usha2….ala nak survey la tuh..bengang je…mlm tuh mmg ak tdo lmbt gle sbb study buku2 tok sok…kene prepare tol2 sbb MCKK tuh musuh tradisi…ni dah pusingan kalah mati ….kalo kalah abih la pluang ….ak pon x tau…tp ble Tuhan dah tentukan kitorang kalah time tu.,..ak just accept je….time tu ckg mmg dah bengang gle la…ak x salah kan sesape time tuh…sian aqmin ak tgk die…ckg siap kate nak baling kasut kat sowang2…ak mmg kecewe ngan ckg time tuh…tau la kitorang kalah tp x sepatutnye die yg emo lbey2…mmg pastu die x tego la ak ngan dak2 laen…tp mlm tuh die ajak maen boling kat mane ntah ak pon x tau….tp ak x ikut sbb ak rase down tersangat-sangat down….sume pegi kecoli ak harith ngan aqmin…ble ak tgk aqmin ni ak rase sian die….bg ak biar le dorang bergumbire maen boring…sbb ak mase tu pon x dpt maafkan salah ak mase debate tuh….sok tu adalah final…SBPI Gombak lwn MCKK…due2 pasukan tuh team ak lawan…siot tol la…nape la naseb kitorang malang….lebey menyakitkan ati ble mrsm pasir salak dpt g semi final…mne ci…abg jep tlg dorang time lwn mrsm muadzam shah yg bg ak mrsm pasir salak x patot menang time tuh…pape pon dorang bertuah…first time masuk dah g semi final…thn ni..ak x tau la pe naseb team bahas mrsm tepeng yg ak sayang….arap2 jalan dorang lebey senang dari kitorang..ak sentiase doa supaye dorang dpt tebus dwi kekalahan mase time mggu bahase ngan UIA….ok lah….dah panjang nih….ble tingat sume nih wat ak sedey n kengkadang terpikir yg cubaan dan dugaan yg mendatang tuh wat ak lebey matang sket r…tp lebey sedey ble x de yg memahami…malah mengherdik n mengate….tp ak x kisah sume tuh dah bese…kat mktb walopon ade yg mcm nak anti x nak cakap ngan ak..tp ak x kisah…idup ak bkn ditentukan dorang….so ak just ignore n just pray 4 da thing to be more easier next time…wokeh2…that’s all…..

SHieHAFieL FieQRi

1.38 a.m

ye

Ntah le…..x tau la pe yg nak dikatekan lagi…arrrrrrggggggghhhhh…sesungguhnye ak tepakse menjalani hari2 yg penuh kebosanan…mane x nye…ari2 dok umah je…nak kuar lak kwn2 sume bz….ni yg x sabo2 nak masok intec nih…nak start blaja balik…hak3…dok umah je wat ak semakin berat..hak3…ye la asek makan tido je…kalo masuk intec nnt at least sebok sket ngan keje2…hehehehehe….dok umah pon bowink gle…x de sape pon…asek2 sowang je kat umah…ermmmmmm….tgh pk care camne nak mengilangkan rase bowink…hak3…ok la…malas lak nak tulih panjang2…bkn ade owang nak bace pon…saje je mengilang kan rase bowink……

Hello everybody….perhaps dis is my first blog i ever create….heheehhehe….x de pape pon yg nak ditulih….just wondering if everyone could read my blog…hahahaha…mengharap lak…nway….i have so much fun creating dis blog as i can share all my new experiance and upcoming things dat i will soon face…in my very own blog…i really need to say dat i totally n definitely miss my friends as well as my teacher at MRSM Tepeng……after everyone had finished from dis school….i hope that i will continueously contact them……as time run so fast …i much…much afraid of how things change so quickly….but whatever it is…whenever it is…when i remember all my friends’ laugh….my reminiscence with them is so priceless….then i realised that my friendship will last forever even everything changed rapidly….soon i will register at International Education Centre(INTEC)….on 26 feb 2007…this is just the beginning of the end….what i really scared is…i can’t go back to my beloved college as SPM result will soon announced…i really need to meet my friends….the moment i type dis blog….all the faces of my friends 1 by 1 figured out in my mind….shuk….fakhri…zul…zaheer…..zam….farid….zik….dol…pidut…..ezzat n many more….they r really my good fren…day after day…n the time will absolutely pass away….i know that everything will goes even more complicated…sometimes it is beyond our expectation….when all of us should break apart…i know that each n everyone of us have our very own life … there r so much things running in my mind…but im not expect to write all…sometimes…secrets r sometimes good to be kept….truth sometimes might be hurt… all of these things really screwed my mind up…all i need to do now is just pray…hope that everything will turn easier next time….ok…that’s all…..

SHieHAFieL FieQri

6.03 a.m